Sounds like the most pathetic song title ever.
But it's true. I don't know why but if I ever have an emotion, it's usually sadness. I mean, sure, I'm happy sometimes. Last night I was fucking ecstatic. But usually, I find something wrong with the situation, and I just get sad.
I can barely sleep either. I've started taking melatonin to help me fall asleep, and it works (it better, seeing as it's extra-strength), but it's created a new problem of staying asleep. And no matter how long I sleep, I'm still tired. In May 2007, I woke up one morning feeling totally refreshed and ready to start my day, and I remember it because it's the only good night's sleep I've ever had.
I've been home from university for six days now. In that time, I've talked to my best friend from there once. We usually talk all the time, but he hasn't answered me since. I can only hope his phone's broken and he just forgot to inform me. But, as always, I've assumed the worst, and in this case, the worst is that he's realised he doesn't want anything to do with me anymore and he's done with the friendship.
I don't think I'll be surprised if this turns out to be reality. We'll be going into different programs next year and I know we'll drift apart and eventually stop talking altogether. I guess that's come early. I figured it would happen. It happened with all my old friends, and it'll happen with my new ones. Unfortunately.
I feel like I'm not meant to keep friends for a long time. I've only kept a few friendships over the years. Most people seem to just come into and leave my life. Which is fine, I guess. I can't change that. No matter how hard I try to keep a friendship, I'll make them mad at me, or annoy them, and they just won't want to put up with me anymore. That's fine. It's completely justified.
I guess I'll just have to accept the fact that he doesn't like me anymore, and cherish the months we had together.
